Drunken Shenanigans
by NorwegianWood23
Summary: Bones just wants a little peace and quiet. Instead, what he gets is a drunken Jim Kirk, who has decided that Bones needs to be seduced.


**A/N: So, erm, this is my first published fic. And the first thing I've completed. It's completely and totally unbeta'd, and was inspired by a capslocking conversation late at night. Reviews are love!**

**Warnings: Fluff at the end, and drunken Jim. **

It wasn't often that Bones found himself alone in his and Jim's dorm room. The kid was usually lounging around the room, drinking and recounting the days events to Bones, babbling about some new skirt he was chasing after. And if he wasn't running his mouth off, he was working to convince Bones to accompany him to a local bar and "pick up chicks" as he oh-so-eloquently put it.

So he relished this alone time. Settling down on his bed, PADDs and paper strewn about the mattress, Bones got to work on some of his astrophysics homework. He had a ten-page paper to write for the class, and had yet to start on his research due to long hours in the clinic and being forced to go barhopping with Jim. It was nice to finally get a small break.

Small being the operative word in this situation. Not twenty minutes into his reading, the door swooshed open, bringing with it the smell of a bar; cigarettes, alcohol, and cheap perfume. Closing his eyes briefly, Bones forced himself to look up in time to find Jim Kirk leaning against the doorframe, with what he assumed was a suggestive smirk on his face. Really, the kid just looked like he was having to think far too hard about what his face was doing. His hip was thrust out to the side, and his arm rested above his head so that his fingertips almost touched the top of the doorframe.

"Hey Bones," Jim purred, batting his eyelashes at the older man.

Bones' only response was to raise a single eyebrow.

"Whatcha doooiiinnn?"

"Studying, Jim. Not all of us are geniuses like you. We have to actually work for our grades."

"Mmm, that's hot," Jim slurred, smirking and stepping away from the doorframe. He swayed for a moment before attempting to walk. He stumbled a few times, tripping over his own feet and the flat floor, before making it to the desk. Bones watched him the entire time, eyebrow still raised, wondering just what in the hell was going through the kid's head this time.

Once the blonde reached the desk, he leaned against it, staring at something he'd laid out earlier. He stuck his ass out as far as he could, forcing Bones to notice that the jeans he was wearing hugged his ass and hips in a _very _flattering way.

"Jim, just what in the hell are you doing?"

"What? Nothin' Bonesy," Jim replied, grinning over his shoulder at the doctor. Unfortunately for Bones, Jim noticed just where those hazel eyes were staring.  
"Y'know….now would be an appropriate time to jizz in your pannttssshhh," Jim slurred out in what Bones could only assume was supposed to be a seductive voice.

"Excuse me?" Bones asked, eyes widening and both eyebrows shooting upward before narrowing into a scowl as he glared at the younger man.  
"How about no?"

"Whassammater Bones? Don'tcha think I'm sexxxyyy?" Jim asked, drawing his words out. It was a habit that was quickly getting on Bones' last nerve.

"Jim-" But before Bones could launch into his rant about how Jim needed to just lie down and sleep this off, Jim cut him off.

"Bones, Imma sing you a song!"

"Don't you dare-"

"Iff you want my body, and you think I'm sexy, c'mon sugar let me know!" Jim belted out, horribly off-key. Bones could only watch in horror as Jim began to dance along to the imaginary beat of the music in his head, struggling to pull the plain white t-shirt that he seemed to have a thousand of over his head. Once he pulled it off, he tossed the article of clothing to the side, and began working on the button to his jeans.

"If you really need me, just reach out and touch me," he continued, thrusting his hips forward on the words "touch me." Somehow, he got the button and zipper undone, and pushed the jeans down his legs, awkwardly making his way towards Bones' bed. Except he realized he couldn't get his pants off, because his boots were still on. Bending down, he attempted to unlace the offending shoes, but having no luck. His fingers couldn't seem to grasp the laces properly.

"Booonnness!" he cried out, sounding pathetic. "Bones, I can't get my damn shoes off!"

"Maybe that's a sign that you should put it back in your pants Jim, and stop trying to seduce me."

"Whatevah, it's totally workin'," Jim slurred out, grinning up at Bones. He bent back down and fumbled with his laces some more, before attempting to take a step forward. Between the pants around his ankles, and his bent over posture, Jim wound up falling forward, crashing into the end of Bones' bed.

"Shit, Jim!" Bones gasped, leaping up. He quickly knelt beside Jim, who was holding his head and groaning. "Are you all right?"

Blinking his brilliantly blue eyes, Jim slowly began to focus on Bones, who was cradling his head in his lap, gently examining the blonde's head, checking for bruises or cuts, brushing his fingers through the thick hair, checking for bumps.

"Why Bones, if you wanted me to blow you, that's all you had to say," Jim chirped, flashing Bones a brilliant grin.

"I'm serious Jim. Did you hurt anything? Are you getting a headache? Are you okay?"

"'M fine Bonesy. By the way, is that a hypo in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

"….Yeah, you're fine. Get up, kid, and sleep this off."

"But I can't walk," Jim whined, leaning into the older man's lap. Grunting, Bones gently pushed Jim's head off of his lap and scooted down to untie Jim's black boots. He pulled them off and tossed them aside, as well as the jeans, leaving Jim lying on the floor in nothing but his orange penguin boxers.

"There, now you can walk. Get in your bed, Jim," Bones growled before standing and climbing back onto his own bed.

"You're no fun, Bones, y'know that? Imma have to try again tomorrow. Cuz you know you can't resist this for forever," Jim stated as he stood up, running his hands down his body.

"Yeah yeah, whatever you say kid," Bones replied, having already gone back to his PADD for research. He ignored Jim's small noise of protest, or maybe frustration, only glancing up when he heard the muffled _thwump _that meant Jim had collapsed onto his bed. Face first.

"Dammit Jim," Bones sighed, setting his PADD down a second time. He swung his feet around to land on the floor and made his way over to the other bed. "You know you're not supposed to pass out on your stomach when you're drunk. What the hell am I going to do with you, you dumbass?"

Placing one hand on Jim's broad, tanned shoulder, and his other one on Jim's narrow hip, Bones pushed, rolling Jim over onto his side. Satisfied, he turned around.

"Owwww…" The soft groan of pain made Bones whirl back around, glancing down at Jim in a slight panic. His eyebrows were drawn together, and his mouth was twisted in a grimace.

"Jim? What's wrong?" Bones asked, dropping to his knees beside the bed to check Jim's body out.

"Head," Jim grunted out, pointing at his forehead.

"Hit yourself harder than you thought?" Bones murmured, brushing his fingers lightly over the tanned skin of Jim's forehead, checking once again for bruises and bumps. He dropped his gaze to Jim's eyes, prepared to pry the eyelids open and check the dilation of his pupils, when he noticed that Jim's eyes were open and staring intently at him.

"Jim, what're you-"

Bones never got to finish his sentence. In fact, he realized, he was getting cut off a lot tonight. And it was really pissing him off.

However, this time, Jim had chosen to grab the good doctor's face between his hands and force his mouth against Bones'. The kiss was wet, sloppy. Jim's mouth was everywhere, kissing Bones as if his life depended on it, or maybe he knew that Bones was about to hypo him and knock him out for several days. Either way, it was frantic, and wet, and Bones was having none of that.

Pulling away a little, he gasped and inhaled, glaring down at Jim's red, swollen lips.

"Bones, I'm so-"

This time, it was Jim who didn't get to finish his sentence. Bones quickly pressed his lips against Jim's, taking control this time, setting a slower pace, running his fingers through the blonde locks before coming to rest at the base of Jim's neck. He gently took Jim's lower lip in between his own, sucking carefully, grinning inwardly at the low moan that little action earned him. He repeated it before slowly pulling away.

"Looks like I finally won," Jim said softly, looking a bit dazed.

"Look, jackass, I love you. Have for a while now. But if you ever try to seduce me by singing that terrible classical music, I swear to God, I'll make it so you can't get it up for three months."

Bones chuckled to himself at the expressions that chased themselves across Jim's face, going from a look of pure glee to horror when he realized that Bones could probably make that threat a reality, and finally that same damn smirk he'd walked in with.

"Whatever you say Bones. You know you loved it. Face it; I seduced you."

"If it'll help you sleep at night, then yes, you did Jim. You seduced the pants right off of me tonight."

"Damn straight," Jim growled, yawning.

"Scoot," Bones commanded, standing up and stripping down to his boxers and the white t-shirt he wore under his cadet reds. Smiling happily, Jim obliged, turning over and making more room for Bones, who laid down and wrapped an arm around Jim's hip, pulling his body close. He placed a soft kiss to the back of Jim's neck before closing his eyes.

"'Night, asshole," he murmured.

"'Night old man," was the sleepy reply. Rolling his eyes, Bones snuggled closer and allowed himself to drift off to sleep.


End file.
